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Top 10 Things the Sound booth/Sound'bored' Operator Wants You, the Comedian, to Know* 1. It would be great if you held the microphone close to your face and more specifically, your mouth, the place where your word-sounds will be coming from. (But don't shove it inside your mouth either, because yucky yucky poo-poo.) 2. About 98% of the time, we did not design, construct or install the equipment you are using, we turned it on and now, we are monitoring it. 3. Respect your time. There is a whole lot more going on here than your jokes. Orders, last calls, and payments are all scheduled to align with your set. This isn't about stealing from you, it's about running a business. If that closer is soo great and can't be left out, why don't you try telling it.. earlier.  4. Don't call us "DJ," we don't like it.  5. Don't say "Sound Lady" either. You sound dumb. 6. What should we call you then? Preferably, don't talk to...

...your next comedian is a Lady.       First of all, if you're reading this because you're a girl considering entering the comedy scene, stop googling these articles right now, write some jokes and go to an open mic, girlfriend. Because you're stalling and I get it (I love stalling!) but this is just one of those things ya gotta just do and see what happens. You may suck, it is pretty likely you will suck. But so will 50-99% of the other people that night. And you won't see them crying, 'cause sucking is totally part of the game, batch. (Figurative 'sucking,' we will discuss literal 'sucking' in the next paragraph.)       NO LITERAL SUCKING ! Stay away from those nasty, nasty boys, boys are gross. (And girls.)      But for reals, if you're doing this for comedy's sake stay away from those nasty boys (and girls). If you're doing this to get your 'thot' on, you do you, girl. You picked a good spot, you sneaky, sneaky hoe...