VictoriaYepes.com

Marriage is a lie. Weddings are a lie. The lies are lies.  Disney lied to us, y'all.* *D, please don't sue me! These are all jokes. haha. hehe. (This post is dedicated to my F iancè.)      Nothing is all magic and rainbows. Nothing. That's why people do drugs. We got all these people out here seeking magic and rainbows... and drugs. We've gotten realistic, cynical even, about just about everything else in this world except, this topic. And it's wrong. It needs to stop. I will not stand for it.      The wedding industry has lost its g-damn mind. It's snorted too many lines of consumerism and smoked a pipe full of narcissism laced with extravagance. (Can you lace a pipe? ...I dunno. A bride can manage to put lace on damn near anything.) It all seems to have started with the proposal 'experience'... bonanza? charade? Catastrophe. It's gonna be incredible. There's gonna be fireworks and streamers and choreographed dances.   ...

Put me on your show! I've gone to 3 open mics, when do I headline?      Whoa. Buddy. Whoa. Calm all your tits.  One does not just get. on. a. show. These things take time. Unless, you have tits, then, less time. (And whatever you do, don't calm them.)       You've gone to 3 open mics. Good job. Well done. You got up, you left the house, you did a thing. A+. That is some tough stuff. And you got on stage, hopefully, and people watched you, hopefully, and maybe even listened to you a little, maybe even chuckled. There may have been a guffaw, perhaps. Super cool.       What else are you doing at these mics? While stage time is important, you might as well be productive, you put on pants already, seize the night. Watch some other sets, ideally, watch the whole dang show. What? It's long? It's boring? Now you know how your audience feels. They've been through a lot and don't care that you've waited 2 hours to get up. They...

Sometimes, comedy can be a drag... ;)  *      Last night was the Wigs & Wit Sarasota Show! And it was pretty fun. And I had a good time. And I lost, but I don't really see any reason we have to discuss that part, so stop asking. That show is really anyone's game. Like literally have a good attitude and commit and you could win monies. And I don't mean that in a bad way, like I'm a sore loser-baby but in a really great way of, go to this show because the winner is anyone's guess. (But not my guess, cuz I guessed me.) But for realz, all the contestants are winners because even if (or when) you lose, ya get to watch some crazy ish. So, it's not a huge loss, a technical one but enough with the technicals already, get outta here with all that negativity...       Let's focus on the comedy because that's what this chick is trying to do, goshdernitt. This was my first performance in Sarasota, first time on the McCurdy's Comedy Theatre st...

     Wow. Steve Treviño just had an incredible run in Tampa this weekend. 5 of his 6 shows were sold out. Not that numbers are everything but I always find it interesting to see who lil ol' Tampy is willing to freshen up for, dust off their Crocs and come out to see.      More impressive to me were the laughs he got. They were like... ridiculous. Like massive rolling laughs. Like closer laughs, the whole show. About 10 minutes into each set, the crowd was with him. Which was important because each set was an hour minimum. But no one seemed to get bored or antsy. They got a little chatty but I think it was because they wanted to share their similar experiences, like he was just talking to them. (Or maybe they were just nuts.)      He didn't seem to employ any crazy tactics, no obscure topics or complicated setups or controversial statements either. He jokes about marriage, family and parenting. Topics that have been covered before. Topics t...

I picked my grandpa up from daycare today. The aide said, "Great! You're here. Let me introduce you to his girlfriend!" I am unable to blog or digest solid foods for the rest of the day... (Just kidding. I could still snack.) -VY

Wigs & Wit - Sarasota                  Next Tuesday (7.17.18), I'll be performing in a unique comedy-drag event! 3 comics and 3 drag queens will battle is out for the title and hopefully, some form of bedazzled head-wear. First, you complete in your category and then, the two winners, 1 comic and 1 queen compete by performing each others thang (Comic drags and Drag comics.)  I'm both the token girl and the least put together queen on the show. This is anyone's game, people.       Last year, I participated in the inaugural show at Punky's in St.Pete. I didn't win but I did get this photo sooooo I kinda won. Yup. I'm a winner. A Victor-ia, if you will. ... You won't? ok.   (Psst. I'm second from the left. But I own all of these outfits so I understand your confusion.) So if you're in Sarasota or surrounding areas, come party!  Wigs & Wit - SRQ Tuesday, J...

Top 10 Things the Sound booth/Sound'bored' Operator Wants You, the Comedian, to Know* 1. It would be great if you held the microphone close to your face and more specifically, your mouth, the place where your word-sounds will be coming from. (But don't shove it inside your mouth either, because yucky yucky poo-poo.) 2. About 98% of the time, we did not design, construct or install the equipment you are using, we turned it on and now, we are monitoring it. 3. Respect your time. There is a whole lot more going on here than your jokes. Orders, last calls, and payments are all scheduled to align with your set. This isn't about stealing from you, it's about running a business. If that closer is soo great and can't be left out, why don't you try telling it.. earlier.  4. Don't call us "DJ," we don't like it.  5. Don't say "Sound Lady" either. You sound dumb. 6. What should we call you then? Preferably, don't talk to...

     I'm just a girl with a blog looking at the internet and asking it to like me. And you did! You really like me.      Wow wow wow. So much love and support for the last post and the blog. Thank you so much! I guess I shouldn't follow every post with a thank you post but this one time I think it will be okay. So, thank you. Allow me to introduce a new segment to the blog...     Grandpa's Grumblings My grandpa is 95, he will be 96 next month. Today he made a joke about suicide, I think.  (Begin scene.) Hearing Aid Man: Your hearing has gotten much worse. I had to increase your prescription quite a bit. Grandpa: Should I just shoot myself in the head? (Pause.) Hearing Aid Man: (pause.) (pause.) (pause.) Heh, no, Sir. (End scene.) But, for reals, Grandpa, what would be the point? You're in the 10th inning already. Leave suicide to the young kids.* So yeah, Grandpa is a hoot. *I don't think people should shoot themselv...

...your next comedian is a Lady.       First of all, if you're reading this because you're a girl considering entering the comedy scene, stop googling these articles right now, write some jokes and go to an open mic, girlfriend. Because you're stalling and I get it (I love stalling!) but this is just one of those things ya gotta just do and see what happens. You may suck, it is pretty likely you will suck. But so will 50-99% of the other people that night. And you won't see them crying, 'cause sucking is totally part of the game, batch. (Figurative 'sucking,' we will discuss literal 'sucking' in the next paragraph.)       NO LITERAL SUCKING ! Stay away from those nasty, nasty boys, boys are gross. (And girls.)      But for reals, if you're doing this for comedy's sake stay away from those nasty boys (and girls). If you're doing this to get your 'thot' on, you do you, girl. You picked a good spot, you sneaky, sneaky hoe...

Hey YOU !!! You made it! Welcome to VictoriaYepes.com! I'm Victoria Yepes. And this is my blog. I am a stand-up comedian and a stand-up gal. What's this blog gonna be about? Your guess is as good as mine, buddy! But, I'm here and I'm gonna do this dang thang.