How do I get on a comedy show?

Put me on your show!

I've gone to 3 open mics, when do I headline?

     Whoa. Buddy. Whoa. Calm all your tits. 

One does not just get. on. a. show. These things take time. Unless, you have tits, then, less time. (And whatever you do, don't calm them.) 

     You've gone to 3 open mics. Good job. Well done. You got up, you left the house, you did a thing. A+. That is some tough stuff. And you got on stage, hopefully, and people watched you, hopefully, and maybe even listened to you a little, maybe even chuckled. There may have been a guffaw, perhaps. Super cool. 

     What else are you doing at these mics? While stage time is important, you might as well be productive, you put on pants already, seize the night. Watch some other sets, ideally, watch the whole dang show. What? It's long? It's boring? Now you know how your audience feels. They've been through a lot and don't care that you've waited 2 hours to get up. They have also waited 2 hours... to laugh. 

     Instead of just actively learning and particpating for 5 minutes during your set, let's view the whole thing as one great, big, long, sometimes awful, class. Who are the straight A students, the rockstars of the mic? What is it that makes them do so well? I know, I know, they know the guy who runs it and got a good spot? Yeah, sure, probably but in most cases they earned that spot. In most cases, they paid their dues, paid off the host or paid for new titties. (ok, no more tit talk... said no one ever.) What's your assessment? Are they really funny? Really good writers? Crowd work masters? Take note. Not literally though, ya nerd. Maybe they aren't that good. Maybe their entire family has decided to reunion at this mic and they're real freakin' supportive people. Maybe you should plan that family reunion you've been putting off...    

     Who runs this show, this parade of pain, this cavalcade of cooky, this march of madness? Find out. Introduce yourself. It's so awkward when people don't know the host. Uhh, it's the person who has been jumping off and on the stage all night, where the heck have you been? Clearly, not watching like I said to... rude. (And to clarify, sometimes the host and the showrunner/producer are different people. But, if you know one, they will lead to the other.) And odds are the host/producer may run another mic or show (oh yeah, shows, that's that thing I've been undeservedly demanding), so figure out who they are already. 

     Who is the opposite of a rockstar at the mic and, more importantly, why? What makes what they do so 'bad'? ('Bad' is subjective, but there is a certain level of poopy to be avoided. Maybe. Or maybe you should corner the poopy market and if you do... you're welcome.) Are they just nervous? Not funny? Or not even trying? If it's one of the first two, cool. Nerves can be defeated and a lack of funny can sometimes be funny. If they're not trying, eff them for wasting everyone's time. And also, avoid them. Success breeds success. Surround yourself with people who do try, who want to do well. They're gonna be the ones on the shows. (Shows! There's that word again.)

     You may be thinking who does this VictoriaYepes.com think it is?! ...giving me advice and trying to be helpful. And my answer is... I don't know. But speaking of advice, frikkin' take it. Or don't. If you've gotten this far, there's hope. Listen to the advice of the people you respect. And listen to the advice of those you don't. You will either learn what to do or what not to do. The point of this whole thing is to just listen. Are you listening?! And pay attention. Listen, pay attention and someone will put you on their show... if only just to have a wonderful audience member.